First: Chevrolet Lumina Ute SS

Yes, we are the people that always complain when the SAGMJ Car of the Year allows 4x4s into that contest. And yes, we usually always banish bakkies to Bakkie magazine.

So how the hell did this thing get in here in the first place, let alone romp away with the Cars in Action performance car of the year…?

Well. It deserved it, actually…

A couple of times while travelling abroad, I asked a few of my more trusted motor writing peers what they thought would happen if we put the bakkie we nicknamed Bruce into PCOTY? That question was inevitably met with long pause, followed by something like, “that would be quite interesting!”

And here it is – Cars in Action’s Performance car of the year 2009 - the Chevrolet Lumina SS Ute.

A bloody bakkie, Bruce!

This vehicle has a hell of a lot going for it. Compare it to any of the 2-seater sports cars out there and it drills them for dead. And it costs as much as those flagships it gives a hiding to in those ranges’ pisswilly 2-litre siblings do.

And it looks the part, very much the part, no?

And it’s got a Corvette engine in it in the choice of a six-hooker manual and a not too shabby auto ‘box.

What’s more is that it isn’t just a facelift – it’s an all-new much-improved vehicle in so many respects over its predecessor, that’s so well sorted and honed to be so damn good at just what it is.

It is among the very quickest cars here – and around Kyalami, if you have a C63 AMG, you’re not going to shake this thing off. And even more impressive, is that it’s BMW-like to drive – like the M3, it becomes like an extension of your persona…

Still not convinced?

Well here’s the clincher:

Bruce will cost you R322 000 (once you’ve claimed your VAT back).

Bruce will lap Kyalami in under two minutes 11 seconds.

Bruce accelerates to 100 on the Reef in just over six seconds.

Of all the cars here, Bruce was beaten marginally only by the Subaru, between 80 and 120km/h.

A Merc SLK55 makes about the same power, less torque and laps Kyalami in about the same time, accelerates to 100 at a similar rate and can’t beat Bruce from 80-120km/h. But it costs R800K and you can’t get your VAT back, even though you can put the hood down.

So for the difference you can buy yourself a brand new powerboat, a top-line dirtbike, a leading superbike and a jet ski, all the kit you need for those, including the trailers. And still have change.

And if you compare it to the other orange two-seater we had here, you can even score yourself a cool spot at the river or the dam with all that extra change, too…

Yes, it is a bit crude in a few corners, but looked at like that, there simply isn’t a better performance car on the road right now. Er, bakkie – sorry!