Firstly, let's set some ground rules before I get 14 000 complaints. Price is not a serious factor here — for a good reason too. This 'super mini' or 'cult hatch' clan is aimed at everything from your younger, fresh-out-of-school crowd to the professional '30-something crew.

Some of them cannot even afford the cars on display; so daddy buys it for them (because he loves them and they went to St. Stithians so they don't know any better than to get brand new expensive toys).

You'll find many different species of car-lovers buying these hot hatches, and for varied reasons.

For the poseurs, what really counts is how cool you look in your hatchback. The real enthusiasts appreciate these qualities too… but quarter-mile times start to count, as do road-holding qualities for those tackling track days or the odd mountain pass blast. Point is: these four cars are among the coolest hot hatches around, even if they're not necessarily the most powerful.

Now let's meet the contenders

In corner number one weighing in with 128kW and 240Nm of oomph from a 1.6-litre turbo, a 0-100km/h time of 7.6 seconds and R219 900 worth of tax write-off on dad's software company is… The Peugeot 207 GTi.

Next up in the second corner is the hip, stylish and unmistakeable Opel Corsa OPC, which packs 141kW and 230Nm from another 1.6-litre turbo engine, notches up a 0-100 km/h time of 8.8 seconds and what's more is that dad's wallet hardly feels the pinch at R243 950.

Into the heavier-weight contenders now, with the all-new Honda Civic Type R Championship Edition, complete with an new white livery, limited slip diff and the same 148kW naturally aspirated 2-litre VTEC motor, complete with 193Nm of torque. Sprint time of 8.7 seconds to 100km/h and a slightly-more-difficult-to-hide R299 900.

Our final contender here, with vital statistics of 155kW and 260Nm crammed into the same motor as the Peugeot but in a slightly higher state of tune, it will launch from 0-100km/h in 7.3 seconds and cost R320 000 with the almost compulsory 'chilli pack'.

Frankly though, anyone who buys a car based purely on the above stats should be moved to a psychiatric ward and medicated with electric shock therapy until deceased. The purpose of cars like this, and in fact all hot hatches, is the pull-factor based on emotion and style — that's why price and stats aren't really our basis for determining the winner. And which of these is the winner? Well let's start with style…

Style and Pull Factor

At the bottom of the pack, and undoubtedly the ugly duckling of the bunch is the Peugeot, the algae-feeder mouth on its face makes people point, grab their stomachs and plan an exit strategy. In third is the JCW, simply because we’ve seen this Mini in production for so long now that it lacks that freshness factor, even if the go-faster roof spoiler is a nice touch and the John Cooper Works badge on the back will always get you a nod or two (but only from guys).

Second is the OPC — Peugeot can take note of how to use the fish analogy properly — the OPC has gills on the front and rear bumpers, hot looking side-skirts and bumpers, along with the rear diffuser, which houses the integral triangular exhaust. It looks fast even while parked at a shopping mall.

That means the winner, and by a long shot, is the Type R. Designed on a Samurai helmet (which already makes it über epic), it is all angular and space-age at the same time. It strikes a presence greater then any other hatchback on the market and carries all the hot exterior markings that earmark it as the best-looking car in this segment.

Handling

This is a tough department to find a tangible difference in — each car has its own handling characteristics that make it different.

They're all good, but again in ascending order: the OPC brings up the rear; it's an uninspiring drive that never makes you feel as if you're getting anything back for all the sweating you do behind the wheel. Around the Zwartkops kart track — very much a point and squirt scenario — we found it a little hard to persuade the front end to turn in, and once it did and we tried to accelerate out, it pushed wide.

In third (and a little surprising) is the JCW. Mini is renowned for its optimal handling and go-kart precision, but no, the power in this case just causes tyre squeal and progressively more understeer. Around the kart track it was wild ̬ trying to be smooth just made it slow and reliant on straight line speed. However, it does generate some quite nice lift-off oversteer, just don't press the throttle again because it'll simply understeer until you run wide.

Second is the 207 — very much the underdog in this hustle. The grip the 207 gives is phenomenal; turn in, feed some power and the chassis responds diligently, allowing us to be aggressive in the twisties of the small track. Our concern in this case was that the steering seemed a little devoid of feeling, but once we were used to it, it wasn't too much of a hindrance.

So that means, notching up its second victory, is the Type R. The new addition of the limited slip differential plays the vital role here. The Civic feels like a big car but around the go-kart track the tight and precise steering allows you to turn in, put your foot on the power pedal, and the diff sends the power to the correct wheel, resulting in the car's ability to take corners more tightly and thus more quickly.

Performance

In a turn of fortune the Civic finds itself at the back in this department. At altitude, the high-revving V-TEC catches some form of emphysema and can't keep up with the rest of the turbo-charged brigade. What the Honda does do, is make a lot of noise when the car hits V-TEC. It'll make you think you're absolutely flying, while in actuality you've just been passed by the local fun-run group dressed in hi-visibility jackets.

In third place is the Opel, which is turbo-charged and compact. However, it doesn't really create the impression of speed that the other two do.

Runner-up here is the Peugeot. Great motor; no torque steer during harsh pull-offs; nice sensation of speed; and it gives some of the bigger boys quite a fright in a one-on-one situation and thus holds the status of the 'sleeper'. It doesn't mess around with any excessive styling or added flare — you wouldn't notice it until it hounded you in a robot dice outside Tokyo Sky.

That leaves the JCW as the best performer. Insanely powerful, the upgraded motor delivers such an intense amount of power and torque that without the traction control it would wheelspin forever. This creates a severe amount of torque steer and when it comes to changing gear whilst accelerating, you had better hope you hit the gym enough to hold the wheel straight with one arm. Just wow in the power of the growling beast inside the two new tailpipes.

Ambience

A really good interior and decent comfort-factor do count for something in hot hatches. The cabin must create the feeling that driving the car is an event, something to look forward to. Opel at the back then — its plasticised interior doesn't do it any favours and it has no real sense of theatre (even if the race seats are nice).

The next three are so close that I've just gone on gut feel. Third: Peugeot — most comfortable, best seats, but bland inside. Second is the Honda with its nice space ship interior. Only just the winner is the JCW. Try to get it with the race seats, cool fighter-jet-style switches, sunroof and a firm but not uncomfortable ride.

Verdict

Fourth: Opel Corsa OPC — everything about it is good, but good just doesn't cut the mustard here. Third is Peugeot 207 GTi, the sleeper of the group; the best all-round buy of the group, but zero pull factor. Second is the Honda Civic Type R, but so is the Mini JCW.

I hate a tie; it's the ultimate anti-climax. But between the four of us here at the CiA office, this was the eventual conclusion. The Mini for its power and insane-ness; the Civic for its drama and style. There you have it... Dad, can I have a loan?

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